FFvii madness
by Kangel
Summary: Complete and utter madness from Cloud and chums.


**FFVII Madness**  
This is complete and utter insanity. Stragenly enough it does contain some **spoilers **but, assuming that you can understand this senseless rambling (Which I very much hope that you can )), I don't think they're that bad. Actually, I'm not even sure if they're there anymore.  
Aaw, crap!

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"Oh no – Tifa, Vincent!" Cloud shouted, looking at his fallen comrades, Sephiroth had wiped them of all their HP with one hit, "What am I going to do now!" Cloud shouted with despair.  
"Don't worry Cloud – you can do it!" Cait-sith yelled, "We're here for you!"  
"What the hell? How long have you guys been standing there?" Cloud saw that it was not only the large useless cat-like robot thing (Or whatever the hell Cait-Sith was … I mean, who cares?), but there was also Cid and Barrett.  
"Oh, ever since the battle started." Cait-Sith replied, "You're doing great … well, before the whole _Sephiroth wiped out your other team mates _part. No, apart from that little incident, you're doing just great."  
"You mean you've been watching us work our butts off and done nothing to help! Why don't you guys get over here and help us … um, me now, beat Sephiroth! Cid, use your lance, and Barrett, shoot him with your gun and Cait-Sith you. Well. Umm, throw your dice at him?" All three of their mouth fell open (Cid's cigarette falling out in the process) with a mixture of shock, horror and disgust.  
"Hello? Aren't we in the middle of a battle here?" Sephiroth spoke up.  
"Aah, screw it! I'll summon phoenix!" Cloud shouted in frustration, "Now, to find the summon materia. I know I put it somewhere in here…Hey what's this?" As Cloud was rummaging through his pockets he, instead of finding his misplaced materia, found a small crumpled piece of paper.

**CLOUD – borrowed the materia. Hope you don't mind.  
Need to trade them in for … well, I'll just say, if I don't  
Get some Gil together soon, they're gonna break my legs.  
Hope you don't mind.  
Get them back to you ASAP.**

**Love xx Yuffie xx**

"THAT LITTLE BITCH!" Cloud shouted, tearing the paper up into a million little pieces and stamping them into the ground, "WHEN I GET HOLD OF HER I'M GONNA DO A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN BREAK HER LEGS!"  
"Cloud … why so angry?" Sephiroth spoke in a tone that was completely out of character, "Listen, breath slowly and count to ten – twenty if you need to."  
"Umm, I don't think you're the one who should be giving Cloud lessons on how to cope with his anger issues" Vincent spoke up, "I mean, you want to destroy the entire world because you're pissed at everyone."  
"Vinnie, good buddy!" Sephiroth shouted with glee, "Wait, weren't you out cold then?"  
"I'm a vampire … you can't kill one of the un-dead." Vincent replied simply.  
"Were you ever actually a vampire though, I mean you're in dire need of a tan, but you walked around in daylight. I think you're lying." Sephiroth was beginning to return to his usual angry self, "Vinnie – I think you've been lying to us all along."  
"Stop calling me Vinnie you nitwit!" Vincent eyes began to well up with tears.  
"HAHAHAHA – Vinnie's a wuss, because the woman he loved gave birth to me – THE GREAT, ALMIGHTY SEPHIROTH … who's better than Vinnie."  
"AAAHHH – that's not true you fiend. Lies! LIES!" Vincent couldn't hold back the tears any longer, he turned his face away, "Cloud. No, don't look at me!"  
Cloud stood there, baffled by the strange events that had just taken place. Vincent took one looks at the vague expression on Cloud's face, turned tail and ran all the way home.  
"Well, what an odd turn of events." Sephiroth muttered. "Should we get back to fighting then?"  
"Bah! What's the point?" Cloud sighed, "Those who I was fighting with you've either killed or upset so much they've run off crying their eyes out. My other teammates are useless. I have no materia and even if, by some outrageous miracle, not only will a giant meteor is going to come down and squish us all anyway, but you'll also come back in the much anticipated CGI animated film, Advent Children."  
"Wow… guess you're right." Sephiroth agreed, "So, what happens now? We can't let a game end like this – I mean that's almost as bad as it all being a dream. Or as bad as the main character being a dream."  
"Soo, should we, I don't know, kiss? The yaoi fan girls would love that." Cloud suggested.  
"Umm, let's not and say we did. Let's just eat that red dog thing you guys have been hanging around with for the majority of this game."  
"Red dog … oh, Nanaki?""Nanaki? Yeah, we'll go with that. Where is that mongrel anyway?" Sephiroth looked around his surroundings for any sight of the red, dog-like creature.  
"Oh, that's right!" Cloud had suddenly remembered what had happened, "Barrett ate him. He was all like: GET IN MAH BELLEH! Nanaki tried to run but Barrett shot his legs off, ate them, and then ate the rest of him."  
"O…. k, now that plans out of the way what do you suggest we do?"  
"Wanna compare penis sizes?" Cloud suggested hopefully.  
"Ok! Wait, that's not gay is it?"

And, leaving that question lingering in Sephiroth's mind, the two skipped down the hill, hand in hand. The meteor never actually came because it was in fact not a meteor, but a large rock-shaped alien space craft that was going to bring salvation to the bleak, sad life of Cloud and chums.

THE END!  
Now wasn't that fun?  
Wasn't it?  
…

…  
Wasn't it?

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This DOES NOT reflect my feelings toward any of the characters in the slightest ... well, except Caith Sith. I don't like him. Or Yuffie.Umm, enjoy. If you can. 


End file.
